


Under the Circumstances

by ncfan



Series: The House of Finwë in the Years of the Trees [40]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncfan/pseuds/ncfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Findis had no desire to marry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under the Circumstances

Findis had neither the wish nor the desire to marry.

Different people tended to make different things of that. Lalwen would tell her that being married really wasn't so bad, if it was to the right person. Arafinwë protested that she would make a wonderful mother and that she shouldn't shut herself away from that possibility. Nolofinwë said much the same. Fëanáro, when he would speak to Findis at all (which wasn't often anymore), remarked that she would change her mind eventually, but that she should enjoy her freedom until then. Her married nephews, Makalaurë and Turukáno and Angaráto, just looked at her blankly. Finwë seemed to think it a matter of misplaced guilt. Indis told her not to shy away from happiness.

The assertions made by her parents always amazed Findis, especially considering the circumstances of their own lives. 'Misplaced guilt?' Finwë still felt guilt over his remarriage, though he would vehemently deny it to anyone who asked. Findis could see his guilt in the way he dealt with Fëanáro, permissive and over-indulgent and, yes, preferential. However much Fëanáro might shout about the undue influence of the sons and daughters of Indis, he would always be their father's favorite child. Finwë still felt guilt over marrying Indis after Míriel's death, even though Indis had given him four children.

And Indis, her daughter knew, was not happy. She was married to he whom she loved. She was the mother of four children, grandmother to many, and even a great-grandmother with Itarillë's recent birth. But she wasn't happy. Ever had Indis been forced to contend with the enmity of her step-son, who had many supporters in the city. She was far from home, far from her own people. The Noldor were not overly fond of their foreign queen.

Findis had no wish to be married. This did not necessarily translate to being incapable of falling in love. Maybe she had, once or twice, and had nursed the pain of it in private until it gave way to numbness. She valued her privacy, did Findis, valued solitude. Solitude was her ally. It let her put up her calm face to the world without much difficulty.

Findis had no wish to be married. The last time anyone had ever asked why had been when her nephew Carnistir was just a small boy and he had been innocent enough to ask _why_ , rather than simply judge. But he had been too young, so she couldn't tell him.

No one else had ever asked why. Findis did not wish to marry. They only ever judged, coming to their own conclusions, and did not ask her why. On some level, Findis was content with that. She had no more desire to explain than others did to ask.

Nerdanel was coming apart with anger as her husband became a person she had never known. Anairë was trapped in a sort of discontented malaise, as she suppressed her own desires in favor of behaving the way everyone told her a wife should behave, and Nolofinwë was completely unaware of what his wife did for his sake. Eärwen and Elenwë longed for home, strangers in a strange land. Indis longed for home also, and dealt with the enmity of her step-son, and the widespread rejection of her husband's people.

Findis had eyes to see. She saw that she valued solitude, and that she didn't need anyone else. Not enough to brave that. So she would stay unwed, no matter what criticisms came her way.

**Author's Note:**

> Arafinwë—Finarfin  
> Nolofinwë—Fingolfin  
> Fëanáro—Fëanor  
> Makalaurë—Maglor  
> Turukáno—Turgon  
> Angaráto—Angrod  
> Itarillë—Idril  
> Carnistir—Caranthir


End file.
